“You can just try again”⁠⁣
“Don’t dwell on it”⁠⁣
“Move on”⁠⁣
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If you feel like saying this to someone who’s lost a baby, let me tell you – it’s just not that easy. ⁠⁣
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When you suffer the loss of something you so longed for, when you experience the agony of passing what was your much longed for baby / or have surgery to remove a baby that has died in the womb / or endure labour and deliver your lifeless baby, you’re left with scars.⁠⁣
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While the body may bounce back pretty quickly, the memories and emotions attached to your loss are still there. The thought of ‘trying again’ can cause a heap of emotions like stress, fear and anxiety. You’re surrounded by thoughts of what happened last time. ⁠⁣
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And for people who have struggled to conceive or been through IVF, ‘trying again’ is really not that simple. It’s a long and intense process to try again.⁠⁣
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So it really isn’t a quick fix of just getting over it, trying again, replacing what you lost and it all being ok. You can never replace what is lost. You cannot minimise the pain of someone’s loss and wish it away.⁣
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There is healing that needs to happen, there is a tough decision to make on whether to try again, there is the road to getting pregnant which is tougher for some than we may realise. And this all takes time. ⁠⁣
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So don’t minimise someone’s tumultuous next step on the road to motherhood by the words ‘you can just try again’. It just isn’t that easy…⁣
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Coming next time – what you might want to say instead…⁠