“I know someone who…”⁠⁣
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Now this is an interesting one…⁠⁣
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Stating someone else’s story for comparison purposes is just not helpful. ⁠⁣For example…
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⁠⁠“So and so had 10 miscarriages and then she had a baby, so don’t worry it will happen for you too”. This is not helpful. ⁠⁣
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On the other hand it may be helpful to know that someone else has been through something similar. It may give you a contact. Someone you can reach out to.⁠⁣ For example…
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“I know someone who had many losses too and if you feel you’d like someone to talk to, someone who may understand a little of what you’re going through, I’d be happy to give you her number, if it’s something you’d find helpful?” This might be more helpful. ⁠⁣
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We just need to tread carefully because when we bring in someone else’s story, we are in fact detracting from the person in front of us who is suffering right now. ⁣
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So even if it feels helpful to share someone else’s story just for the sake of it, remember that even if two people are joined by a similar experience, their journeys will in fact be very different. ⁠⁣
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I know this for certain. I’ve lost 7 pregnancies. 6 through early miscarriage and 1 through late miscarriage. And I can say that every single one of my miscarriages was different. How it happened was different. How I felt was different. How I responded each time was different. ⁠⁣
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So putting everyone whose experienced baby loss into the same bucket, making assumptions and drawing comparisons is just not helpful. ⁠⁣
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Coming next time – what you might want to say instead…⁠⁣