‘Everything happens for a reason’⁠⁣
‘It’s all God’s plan’⁠⁣
‘There’s a lesson in this’ ⁠⁣
‘Look for the gift’ ⁠⁣
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In the aftermath of a painful and traumatic experience, no philosophical, religious or spiritual explanation offered by another person is going to make it make sense / feel better / take the pain away.⁠ In fact these comments can be so triggering. ⁠⁣
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🤔 What possible reason can you think of for my baby dying? ⁠⁣
🤔 If this is God’s plan, how cruel does that make God? ⁠⁣
🤔 What possible lesson is there in this? ⁠⁣
🤔 Whatever gift I’m being given, I don’t bloody want it! You have it!⁠⁣
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I would have thought all of those things if someone would have tried to make me see beyond my grief, before I was ready to.⁠⁣
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When the other person is feeling pain, anger, frustration, confusion and utter loss – there is often no space for reasoning. So no matter what your own philosophical, religious or spiritual views, it’s probably best to keep these to yourself, in the short term at least. ⁠⁣
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Let the grieving person grieve their loss. Support them as they go through the rollercoaster of emotions, in their own time, in their own way.⁠⁣
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One day when the grief isn’t so raw, they may find their own explanation that carries them through. ⁠Or they may not. They may just learn to carry their grief and it may start to get lighter, in time. ⁣
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Either way, it is a journey and such a journey cannot be rushed through another persons reasoning.⁣
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Coming next time – what you might want to say instead…⁠