“It wasn’t even a baby yet”⁠⁣
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When you see the blue lines on the pregnancy test, possibly after a difficult journey to even get pregnant…can you imagine the sheer excitement? ⁣
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The feeling that you’re on the journey to finally getting what you always wanted. Flooded with love, with longing, with connection to the little life that is starting its journey inside you. ⁠⁣
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Every day checking your pregnancy app to see how big your baby is and what features are developing, talking to it even though you know it can’t hear yet, writing your hopes in your journal, tenderly touching your tummy, wondering if it will be a boy or a girl. ⁣
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You may only be a few weeks pregnant but your excitement is gaining momentum and you don’t know how you’ll keep this a secret especially with the beaming smile that you can’t seem to remove from your face.⁠⁣
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Now imagine that out of the blue, you feel pain, keeled over with cramping, you lose blood, it feels like you’re having contractions, you’re confused at what is happening, you want to pretend nothing is wrong but you know it is…and in that moment, or days later you finally ‘pass’ your baby.⁣
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That life you longed for, the dreams you dreamt, the hopes you had – all gone. ⁣
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You are broken. You actually feel like your heart has broken in two. You are emotional. The smile you wore has gone. The excitement has been replaced with a dark cloud. You’re finding it all a bit too hard.⁠⁣
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And now imagine the sting, the dagger, the sheer cruelty of these words… ‘at least it was early’ and ‘it wasn’t even a baby yet’.⁠⁣
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Do you see? Do you see how a baby that is longed for and lost, at whatever stage can be a deep and profound loss? ⁠And being told it wasn’t even a baby is like turning your back on someone’s very real pain and utter heartbreak?⁣
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Coming next time – what you might want to say instead…⁠⁣